that i haven't been without a boyfriend or at least a main love interest in almost 3 years. i am not sure how i feel about that because that is a long time. i mean i do not regret any of those relationships but i also do not want to be dependent on them (the relationships). i do not think it is changing my "core being" more than expected, as in i am not extravagantly changing myself for anyone.
i started thinking about this because it is almost summer. this week is what they call "dead week," and finals are next week. my boyfriend lives in a different city than me; it is about two and a half hours away if you drive slowly like my mom. i do not know how often we will be able to see each other and i am a little wary of his ability to keep his hands to himself when he has imbibed spirits, mostly because he demonstrated that 3 or 4 weeks ago. the last thing i want to do is break up with him but i also would rather not be as serious with him if there is a chance something bad will happen.
i usually am not this open about my feelings and it feels weird.
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hey: bottom line--you know what is best for you and what you will do in the end. i don't think you deserve to be cheated on but the last thing i want to do is be the girl friend who is irrationally defensive of you, you know what i mean? i mean--there is a secret to it, relationships and what you should "accept." on the one hand, you deserve the best and shouldn't settle for anything. on the other hand, everyone is human and is real love sticking with someone despite their mistakes? and if everyone is human and everyone will disappoint, should you just stay with what you got? these are the things i struggled with when keith broke up with me about a month ago. i don't know if this is what you were thinking about at all but i guess...now you know what i think about certain things? hahahaa. sorry. longwinded.
that's what the internet is for.
and i have full confidence that you will figure out what is best. if it is being single, single is fun and we can go clubbin yo this summer. if it is being in a relationship well that is fun too minus the clubbin plus the other benefits. you know.
i actually went through this same thing. heh, but you know that.
but yeah i hadn't really been without a girlfriend for a long time either when you left, and this year, i must admit, has been very interesting to say the least. i guess i kinda felt lonely at first, especially when i just sat at home friday nights because, well, i usually had someone to hang out with. and now that they had up and moved to indiana i didn't really have a group of friends that i hung out with consistantly so no one called me. but i adjusted. and now things are alright, although i'm definately ready to get on to college to begin to develop new friendships.
anyway. maybe that wasn't relevant. but i guess bottom line, i know you, and i know that either way you will adjust. you are a very strong person, even though you sometimes seem to doubt that. or maybe you just appear to? anyway i have confidence that you things will work out how they are supposed to this summer for you. and i hope that that way is the way you like.
and kaitlin.. think i got you beat for longwinded-ness.
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